Why I Give Up My Anonymity
One important aspect of the way you learn about your own addiction in 12-Step programs is by listening to others share about theirs, by recognizing your experiences in the stories told by others. Rather than pointing the finger and confronting you directly about what a powerless, out-of-control addict you are, which can invite a defiant you-don’t-know-how-I-feel reaction, the 12-Step model is more subtle. Listening to others’ stories encourages you to see commonalities instead of focusing on differences. It just comes with the territory, especially when it happens over and over again.
At meetings, participants often respond, “You just told my story,” or “a part of my story,” after listening to a speaker share his or her history of addiction. The similarities prove that you are not alone and that others have faced what you face. That they’ve succeeded in recovery gives you hope you can too.
My inauguration to this model of instruction was on my third day in rehab during the first conversation I remember having with my doctor (he’d talked to me on both of the previous days, but I don’t recall it). The doctor told me matter-of-factly that he was an alcoholic and if he could get sober and live a full, meaningful life, so could I. I found what he disclosed quit odd and deeply disturbing. I was thrown by the intensely personal revelations he was making. It was a role-reversal I couldn’t grasp. Instead of demanding that I confess my alcoholism to him, which is what I expected and still denied, he was confessing his addiction to me? I wondered why he did it. It got my attention and cracked open my previously-closed mind, even if only a bit.
Throughout rehab I encountered the same from many others who shared their stories: my fellow patients; the alumni; the staff (even including the hospital’s chief cook); and of course, speakers at the AA meetings they made me attend. I found the practice a very effective one once I got over the shock of how personally revealing it was.
I’ve adopted that model in this website, disclosing my experience in the hope that others will identify with what I went through and felt, even though it sheds my anonymity.
One important AA book is The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. It states that a member’s name and story “had to be confidential if he wished.” One can never compromise another’s anonymity, but one’s own remains an individual decision (in keeping with the entire program which is described as a “suggested” program of recovery, not a “required” one). (For more on this subject, click on About Anonymity.)
In early sobriety, I wanted my alcoholism to be a secret, a motivation born of shame. However, over the years as I became more comfortable with sobriety — and especially after I accepted that addiction was a brain disease and not a moral failing — the shame receded and so did my desire for anonymity.
As is apparent from the existence of this website, I no longer guard my own anonymity, even as I am unfailingly faithful to that of others. I hope sharing my experience and explaining it through the prism of neuroscience can help others cope with addiction, whether their own or a loved one’s.
A.A.’s 11th tradition states that “ur relations with the general public should be characterized by personal anonymity. We think A.A. ought to avoid sensational advertising. Our names and pictures as A.A. members ought not be broadcast, filmed, or publicly printed. Our public relations should be guided by the principle of attraction rather than promotion. There is never need to praise ourselves. We feel it better to let our friends recommend us.”
Aren’t you ignoring that?
Please click on the article “Why I Give Up My Anonymity” for an explanation.
Thanks for the site Steve!!!! 12 step recovery has been attacked and marginalized more and more (at least here in Montgomery Co. Ohio). Funders and policy makers want to push “evidence based practices” and leave out AA despite being THE BEST evidenced based recovery system. Thanks again. Gail
You don´t imagine how you are helping me right now. I´m a 37 year addict from Portugal, heavy drugs consumer since 19 years old. Since my 31, when i was to a real closed rehab, with NA to help, that i´m learnig and really fighting addiction. 3 relapses since, but the last one i made a bad choice: subutex. but was the only choice that time. the last 4 months have been exausting to me. I´m trying to quit, and i almost made it. almost…but i was betrayed by my brain in the final phases of withdrwal but i´m still fighting!it´s hard to not trust our own brain… You gave me hope again and i´m gonna start following this site. please continue! My real thanks to you.
Why I protect my anonymity at the public level.
I am neither ashamed or concerned with what others think or feel about my disease. The question of anonymity is not about me, it is about protecting the program of recovery.
When we have public figures discuss their “program” ignoring our traditions, we have a failure of communication.
How many folks have decided the program does not work because they have watched public figures or someone they know try to get and stay sober only to fail and make a